June 9, 2008
by Brian Trent

Black and white is how extremists look at the world. So it's no surprise that a black-and-white paisley scarf got right-wing extremists shaking in their boots, when celebrity cook and Dunkin' Donuts pin-up girl Rachael Ray posed for a seemingly innocent picture.

In the notorious photo, you can see cherry blossoms in the distance, Ray's winning smile, and a black-and-white fashion accessory around her neck.

Now, in a large enough population it isn't difficult to find people who take issue with absolutely anything. I've heard people condemn Dunkin' Donuts with the zeal of 17th century preachers, and once encountered a guy who told me he hates Rachael Ray "with a passion." No idea why and he sure couldn't articulate this opinion. But the issue that has taken the neocon world by storm is that scarf. Why? Because to pundit Michelle Malkin and neoconservative bloggers everywhere, Ray's scarf looks like a keffiyeh, the traditional Arabic garb worn by men and popularized in the global eye by Yasser Arafat. Thus, it must be a keffiyeh. Thus, Rachel Ray is a terrorist and hates America and wants to kill everyone... presumably with her scarf.

Is this really what we've been reduced to? Once again the ugly face of America 's resident cultists raises their collective head, the pack mentality of sheeple who need only to be told to hate something in order to attack it - like hunting dogs given a scarf to sniff. No independent thought. No reflection. Michelle Malkin says "Scarf bad!" and the sheeple crowd goes berserk. It reminds me of a scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian, in which the titular character tells an overzealous crowd, "You are all individuals," to which the crowd replies in chorus, "Yes. We are all individuals."

Says Malkin: "Fashion statements may seem insignificant, but when they lead to the mainstreaming of violence -- unintentionally or not -- they matter. Ignorance is no longer an excuse. In post-9/11 America, vigilance must never go out of style."

Dunkin' Donuts, in rationalizing why they chose to cave to the demands of these lunatics, issued a statement: "In a recent online ad, Rachael Ray is wearing a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design. It was selected by her stylist for the advertising shoot. Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial."

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But the neocon blogosphere is still rabid over the issue, proving that it doesn't take much for them to go insane. not that many of them have far to travel. Hate and fear can be more addictive than nicotine, and is certainly cheaper to come by. Consider one of Malkin's readers who writes on townhall.com:

"HOPEFULLY Rachel Ray... will come out with an apology for unintentional offense to her public.... Thank you Michelle, for taking the time to point out an offense to the sensitivities of the sane AND for reminding us that there really are companies that still care about their country's core values."

Sane? Core values? Apologize... for a scarf? Surely it isn't cancer or the genocide in Darfur or education or alternate fuel sources that are important! It's a scarf! The greatest threat to America since Jerry Falwell pointed out the wickedness of the Teletubbies.

Mind you, it wasn't like Ray was wearing her demonic scarf around her head, posing with an AK-47, and burning an American flag. But when you are a cult member, you've already surrendered your ability to make such distinctions. In Malkin's worldview, the mindless hysteria over 9-11 means that we must become truly brainless and paranoid. In September of 2001 it was images of the World Trade Center which were coldly removed from films (even Director Peter Jackson came under fire for refusing to change the "Two Towers" title of the second Lord of the Rings film.) In the months that followed, it was the public's weak-kneed willingness to let politicians strip away protected liberties like Bill of Rights' guarantees, due process clauses, and habeas corpus.

Now, it's scarves. Scared of scarves.

So let's not stop there. Arrest anyone who dresses in red. which after all, can be associated with Communists. Execute bearded men because they look like the Taliban. There goes Santa Claus! And do it quickly. because McCarthy Malkin is watching! All she has to do is snap her fingers, and all the little zombies crawl out of their asylums screaming whatever they're told to: "Terrorists! Vanilla chai! Scarves! Oh my!"

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Brian Trent [send him email] is a professional essayist, screenwriter, and novelist; he is the author of "Remembering Hypatia" and the just-released "Never Grow Old: the Novel of Gilgamesh."  Brian is a contributor to American Chronicle and The Humanist Magazine.  Visit his website at www.rememberinghypatia.com.

Copyright 2008 Brian Trent

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