September 28, 2007
by Volt and Electra Penn

Prozac, that's what you used to need when Condi Rice has her way on the airways. But last weekend Condi lost her gap tooth smile when her volume got turned off on the Sunday talk shows. What did she expect? Her own underlings have called her ".one of Bush's neocon yakking dittoheads and a stone-cold heartless bitch to boot." According to Bob Schieffer, host of CBS's Face the Nation, Condi's entire repertoire is ".a regurgitation of this administration's talking points."

No more than a couple of years ago, author Glenn Kessler said this about Condi, ".she has transformed from a 'policy mud hen to diplomatic swan'. Gosh, I guess the black swan's feathers must have molded and all that's come honking from her beak lately is just more stu-pi-did-it-ty from the Decider's gal Friday.

That's not all. The ink-stained wretches that publish this nation's daily rags don't want Condi's b.s. musings about de boss of de bosses on their editorial pages. When it comes to references to W, Ms. Condi's writings are filled with glowing little bon mots such as; 'He's such a wise man', or 'He's such a brave leader', and 'Why, he should be this country's president for the next thousand years'.

Condi's act has become an embarrassment, worse than a young teeny-bopper dropping her bobby-socks over Elvis. Let's face it, she's a plain old bag, with nothing inside but a coating of cracked black pepper - that's lost its taste. For no more than a cracker from W, Condi will make her one-word 'Yes' squawk. But that's to be expected from a White House 'ho who could never say, No'.

Still and all, why did the news-show shills dump Condi? The word Schieffer wants us to hear is that Condi was rebuffed because she never says anything - no more. If that's the case, she's the first smart dark horse that's made it all the way to the main house, only to find out that whitey wanted a well-educated lawn jockey who only knew how to toot her master's horn.

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Schieffer laps from the same CBS food bowl that Danny 'boy' Rather used to take sips from. And the big-wigs from Black Rock are the same corporate overlords that jettisoned Bush's Texas Air National Guard story, and buried the Abu Ghraib prison scandal between a hemorrhoid commercial and a promo for As The World Turns. In other words you couldn't trust those guys to tell the truth about Hans Christian Anderson.

I believe that the real reason Condi can't get air time is because, as in all gloomy tragedies, the swan has turned into a lame duck, her swagger has become a waddle, and her golden eggs have lost their luster. As Darth Cheney's evil narrative takes place deep in the Colorado Mountains; somewhere in Kansas, a stealth bomber is already loaded for Xmas - and all of Satan's goodies are aimed at Iran. That is, unless Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is willing to kiss America's ass to save the world, but that's a fairy-tale of a different color.

Our Little Miss America stands irate; her chest puffed, her rump pumped and her finger itchy on the trigger finger. Any moment, she swears she's ready to throw the biggest of BIG-time tantrums. I know everybody reading this wants to close on an easy answer or at least find some way out, but when the time comes to bomb Iran there will be none.  In the meantime we'll just have to turn on the tube, take the next exit to the mall, raid the refrigerator or just hit the sack. Hope when we wake up the lights still work.

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Have Penn they'll listen. Volt Penn writes speeches for Progressive Populists and reasoned arguments for those on the left of center. He has also written speeches for anybody who has read his work. You can reach Volt Penn through his artist friend, b.b.kemp, at bbkemp@bbkemp.com

Copyright 2007, Volt/Electra Penn