January 21, 2008
by Volt and Electra Penn
Virginia Congressman Randy Forbes, whose closed mind remains on permanent vacation, is trying to legislate his religious beliefs on the rest of us. That's so ludicrous it should be a blog joke. But Randy is determined, as a born-again Sunday school teacher, to pass Resolution 888, stuff his 'American Religious History Week' down our throats and slam the book shut on all other religions.
In this land of the barely-free, such antagonistic, iconoclastic religious bigotry should come as no surprise. How ironic is it that Randy is from Virginia, home to the Colonial House of Burgesses and this country's first elected legislative assembly? Thomas Jefferson, an early Burgesses member and level-headed agnostic, helped write the template for American democracy. During his term, Jefferson described America as a secular nation and shied away from such blood-simple indoctrination proposed in the current A.R.H.W. How have we come so far to remember so little?
Even if she/he were interested, it might take an act of God to destroy all aspects of this self-serving entity called 888. It was an outbreak of malaria that almost wiped out the original House of Burgesses in early Virginia, but this 21st century scourge can only be eradicated by a few lawmakers who still hold dear truth, justice and the American way.
It could be that Randy Forbes, who calls himself a Christian, has a persecution complex. We've all had the displeasure of knowing the no-minded fascists whose mommies didn't love them enough, the ones whose neighborhood playmates never stopped asking, 'who's your daddy?' I say if the diaper fits just wear it, get along with your life - and by the way, keep your damn nose out of my business unless you're invited.
I've read elsewhere that some of 'we the people' think that American Religious History Week might be a commendable educational pursuit, but only if all religions in America shared the honor. Hey, in the information age everybody wants to know everything so let's call Forbes' bastard law 'America's Diverse Religious History Week', tack it on to the tail-end of Black History Month, celebrate White Power Day and Brown Brother Minute at the same time.
The legal wording in 888, the where-as-is and where-us-ain't, annoys me to confusion. Most of us who have graduated within the system and come out with a 'public education brain' already know the annotated version of American history. Native Wiccans swopped in from the North and were here first. Then from the East sailed gold-dazzled swashbuckling pope's men who marched, burned and killed to convert. To quote Conquistador Francisco Pizarro Gonzalez, "If you no with us, you against us". Lastly, along came the best of the breeders, 17th century 'pie in the sky' good book believers who slaughtered the Wiccans, burned everything but the steaks and found time to birth this country's righteous masses of human matter.
When I first heard the numbers 888, I immediately thought some graffiti artist, spray can in hand, had wormed a way into the halls of congress and bastardized 666. Instead, I found that Congressman Forbes stole a page from Dr. Paul Goebbels' propaganda book to enlighten his subjects - you and me. Come to think about it and just between you and me, I wish Mr. Forbes would take his energetic oratory, his zealous preaching and his virulent anti-humanism and shove it up his big fat Heidelberg.
Onward through the lies here's another news flash for Mr. Forbes; our national holidays aren't Easter or Christmas. To honor those who fought and died for America's freedom, we traditionally celebrate the 4th of July and Memorial Day. Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis made a salient point about mixing religion and politics when he said, 'The world presents enough problems if you believe it to be a world of law and order; do not add to them by believing it to be a world of miracles'.
It seems there are many, like Randy Forbes, who will put their right hand on a supernatural phenomenon and swear it trumps logic and reason. Just to prove my point, here is one of the more ill-informed passages taken from Bill 888: 'Whereas political scientists have documented that the most frequently-cited source in the political period known as the Founding Era was the Bible'.
Knock, knock, Randy. Here's a thought. During the Founding Era, passages were memorized and directly quoted from the Bible, a fact that shouldn't surprise anyone. But let's consider that due to lack of space for carry-on luggage, the Bible was one of the few books brought over from the Old World.
Here's another Randy fallacy from 888: 'Whereas the United States Supreme Court has declared throughout the course of our Nation's history that the U.S. is a Christian country.' In addition, Randy's law blathers on about a Christian nation, its Christian people, ad nausea, then tops it off by stating that the Bill of Rights prohibits any hostility to the Christian religion. That means if we don't hold our mouths right, not only will we owe our souls to the country's store, but to the churches, too.
I say, 'Holy Madalyn to all that hogwash!' Bloody judgment to those pee-pickin' fleas who lie for their own aggrandizement, protection or promotion. I want to know who gave Forbes, or anyone else for that matter, the authority to just 'make shit up' and stick it to any loophole in a bill? What a bold fart in the face for Bill 888 to single out Christianity and claim it's protected by the Bill of Rights. Did Forbes write that in just to inflict conflict in our memories, or has he ever taken the time to actually read the Bill of Rights?
Reading further into Bill 888, where the 'where-as its' and 'where-to-fores' seep under my constitutionals, we find it swipes U.S. taxpayer's money then forks it over to churches and church schools. What? Now the bill wants to economically support the very issue Jefferson despised: religion running government and the schools while politicians tell fairytales to the people. Isn't there enough of that already?
Moving further into this despicable 888, Forbes also wants to give public land such as Yellowstone National Park, Mount Rushmore and 10,000 acres of North Dakota's Black Hills to the church to be used for Christian purposes. In Christ's name, does that mean Yellowstone will be closed to all human visitors so it can return to a natural form? Or will everyone be welcomed into that great national park to squat and stake a claim of earthly paradise just for themselves?
Tom Jefferson might have been a hedonistic son-of-a-Haplogroup who sucked grapes from a dusky bellybutton, but I'm positive he never wanted to give away tax money to preachers. If some son-of-a-mealy-mouth-mother like Randy Forbes wants to fly first class all over the world, telling everybody how wonderful it is to be a 'born again' Christian - fine, that's free speech---just don't do it with my tax money.
I leave you with the last where-as of Bill 888, which claims that 888 is protected by the full obligation of the U.S. military. That way Forbes and his crew can spew any claptrap they deem important to their cause and any effort to omit or erase such rubbish from our Nation's documents will be punishable by more taxes or death - whichever is preferred.
Now that's really strange. I always thought our military's only duty was to protect us from foreign invasion. But after 'you-know-who told you-know-what to invade you-know-where' all bets are off the Pentagon's table. The Military Industrial's Complex is officially out of order and capable of just about any figment of the joint chief's imagination.
If Bill 888 passes, it will defy the Jeffersonian doctrine of Separation of Church and State; it will put us under the thumb of a group of religious radicals ready to do anything to convert us; and it will make Madalyn Murray O'Hair's prediction about the Christers' rule true.
888 is a kick in the groin to all non-Christians and a 'fuck you' to Americans in general. I could get real nasty and point out that 888 may be the evil we all thought burned to a crisp in a Berlin bunker 60 years ago. If it's back, the monster is sure to be hell-bent on destroying what precious little democracy our country still clings to.
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Have Penn they'll listen. Volt Penn writes speeches for Progressive Populists and reasoned arguments for those on the left of center. He has also written speeches for anybody who has read his work. You can reach Volt Penn through his artist friend, b.b.kemp, at bbkemp@bbkemp.com
Volt/Electra Penn copyright 2008
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