September 11, 2007
by Victoria Hardy

Today is the anniversary of the day that changed the face of America, despite the different belief systems of what did or did not happen that day, the simple fact is that we were changed.  It's difficult to understand how deeply loss and chaos can alter the thinking of a person and I know the psychologists like to talk about the 5 stages of grief, but only through surviving trauma can we truly understand the alteration that occurs.

I won't say I am an expert in loss and chaos, but I've walked the path enough to remember many of the road marks along the way.  And things I am seeing in our country today remind me of some of my own experiences as I recovered from calamity.  The interesting thing in our country is that when we experience a loss, it is said the best thing to do is get back to work, get back to our schedules and this is suggested as a helpful idea, a means to recovery.  Within days of 9-11 we were told to get back to shopping and most of us, unless directly touched by the events, didn't miss a day of work.  We attempted to take a giant and life-changing trauma in stride, as though those thousands of American deaths were no more than a squirrel caught under our wheel on the way to work. 

When my sister died my family didn't handle the change well, a few days later I was back at school carrying a weight of depression, fear and pain that to this day is hard to define.  The rest of the family also got back to their schedules and before long we were 5 divided, hurt and angry individuals living separately under one roof. 

Perhaps my family didn't understand the stages of grief, perhaps we were mal-adjusted or perhaps we experience great traumas because we are meant to face them, not ignore them.  Perhaps we are supposed to take quiet, unscheduled time to deal with bereavement and regain our footing in a world that has been turned upside down.

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And now as I look into the world I see the results of poorly handled traumas, I'm not sure I've ever seen the country so divided, angry and numb.  It seems after 9-11 we forgot about recovering as individuals and we forgot to take a breath.  We barreled head first into ideas of hate and revenge, without realizing we, each one of us, were infected and affected by a great and terrible tragedy. 

Now when I watch the debates concerning 9-11, I am again reminded of being a child and staring at the empty chair at the dinner table, while one family member wants to discuss the loss, so blatantly emphasized, and another sees it as a complete waste of time to question or even think about the events.  One family member wants to rebel and carry signs, while another just wants to stay focused on their schedule and not think.  And then the family begins arguing, because some are perceived as being outrageous and living in the past and the others are perceived as being cold, uncaring and uninterested in what actually occurred and what it all means.

The long arm of loss follows us, it alters and changes us.  Our country and all it's foundations were severely rocked on September 11, 2001.  A good night's sleep doesn't change the face of loss, nor does a stiff drink or a great sale at the mall, only time, thought, patience and open, truthful dialogue can heal this trauma in America.

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Victoria Hardy [send her email] is the drummer for the pop duo 3 Feet Up. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, who is also the other half of the duo and they have just released their second CD, entitled i will fear no evil.  3 Feet Up was featured in the Living Room Live Series on the CBS Early Show in July of 2006.  Find more on her website, http://www.3feetup.com.